One of the frequent enquiries we get in the office is from spouses who have worked in the home for much, or sometimes all, of the marriage. They can be married to someone who has earned a lot of money and acquired a sizeable pension pot and sometimes other assets. This spouse sees themselves as being in a very weak position. They may have no money “of their own”, feel deeply unhappy in the marriage, but feel effectively trapped and reach an age when the children have grown up, and feel they must stay in the marriage, as financially they have no freedom.
Well, are they correct?
No, in many cases, they have much more freedom than they think.
Work in the Home Is Treated as Equal
Under Irish family law, work inside the home is treated as equally as valuable as work outside the home. The basic idea is that you, as a family, achieved all this together. So if one spouse went out and earned the income and the other stayed at home, raised the children, kept the household going, and supported family life, the law does not treat one contribution as more valuable than the other.
Effectively, a case like this can often lead to something approaching a 50/50 split of the assets in order to meet the proper provision requirement, although every case will depend on its own facts. If the spouse is a senior civil servant, solicitor, accountant, doctor, or business owner who has acquired a pension pot worth €1 million or €2 million, with lump sums and so on, then the other spouse may have a very significant entitlement in respect of that pension going forward. Upon retirement, this can lead a spouse in this situation to acquire a good income that more than meets their needs. This is especially so in situations I have encountered where the stay-at-home spouse is not in receipt of very much income at all.
Similarly, with accumulated bank accounts, shares, investments, and other assets, they all have to be taken into account. The idea is not that one person “won” all of this and the other person simply happened to be nearby. The idea is that the family unit achieved it together, with one person often freeing up the other to pursue a career or business in a way that would not have been possible otherwise.
What Financial Security Can Look Like After Divorce
This is where people are often surprised.
A spouse who may currently be living on very little, with no independence and no real control over their own finances, can find that their position after divorce is far stronger than they expected.
Between a share of a pension, access to capital, and in some cases spousal maintenance, there can be a solid financial footing going forward. A person who has not worked outside the home for 20 or 30 years may be accustomed to a certain standard of living, and that does not simply disappear.
For many stay-at-home spouses, the issue is not that they have no rights. It is that they do not realise how strong those rights can be.
The Rub: The Family Home
The rub can be the family home.
Very often, that home is worth well in excess of a million euro. The mortgage may be paid off or close to paid off, but neither party is in a position to buy the other out. If the children are no longer dependent, then certain orders usually need to be made around the house if the divorce is to happen and if neither party can realistically remain there alone. You unfortunately cannot make an omelette without breaking some eggs.
People can be very attached to where they live. Their friends are nearby, their golf club is nearby, and their routine and social connections are all tied to a certain area. They can feel that if they move, a large part of their life is being lost. That is understandable. The court is not blind to that. But at the same time, the courts are frequently dealing with families who have young children and not enough money to create two households at all. Against that background, they are not likely to dwell too long on what is, in truth, a relatively fortunate situation where both parties have enough money to buy two smaller properties mortgage-free, even if neither of them gets to remain in the original family home.
This can lead to what seems to be a strangely common situation in Ireland, particularly among older couples with money. They effectively lead separate lives because they do not want the practical and financial upheaval of dealing with the house. They remain married, often unhappy, and simply drift.
The Higher-Earning Spouse Perspective
We also see this from the higher-earning spouse’s perspective.
The factual scenario is often a person who has worked, in their view, extremely hard and achieved, in their view, a great deal through their own acumen and effort. They feel that they have worked the hard yards of 1500 or 2000 billable hours to finally reach the Valhalla of retirement. They want to travel, play golf or tennis, and now live the life they always wanted. Unfortunately, their spouse does not share this vision, and the couple drifts apart.
This spouse thinks about separation and is advised that he or she will likely have to share “their” money, pension, and assets that they have worked so diligently to acquire. They may also have to pay spousal maintenance as the other spouse may not have worked in 20 or 30 years and is logically accustomed to a certain lifestyle. They receive this advice and hear that if they proceed, they will simply lose, so what is the impetus for them? They decide to live separate lives and hope that their spouse does not go to a solicitor.
Legal Fees and the Bigger Picture
As I have said previously, the other spouse in this situation can sometimes be afraid to do anything because of the impending doom of legal fees. She or he says, I cannot afford the exorbitant legal fees that solicitors charge. In a case like this, with a large valuable house, big pensions, and significant assets, fees could easily run to €40,000. For some reason, people can become fixated on what they spend, instead of looking at what they can achieve.
A person looks at their current situation of living off maybe €12,000 a year in an unhappy house, with no independence, no real ability to make their own decisions, no ability to travel, and living at the behest of another person. They are then faced with a different future which may involve a difficult period, admittedly, because divorce is not easy, but which may also involve a very healthy income, freedom, and independence. On a purely financial perspective, which is only one factor, spending €40,000 to acquire a yearly income of €35,000 for potentially 20 or 25 years seems a very good investment.
That point is often missed.
It is also worth saying that in this type of factual scenario, many solicitors in Ireland do not require the full fees to be paid in advance before any work is done. Often, they are paid at the end of the case from whatever funds are ultimately received. Obviously, that depends on the solicitor and the case, but the fear people have about legal fees is often greater than the reality once they actually get proper advice.
Why People Stay and What to Do Next
In my experience, in Ireland, especially because of the persisting stigma surrounding divorce, it takes a lot for a spouse to start the process. There are understandable reasons for that. Fear of the unknown, fear of conflict, fear of cost, fear of what life might look like afterwards. There is also sometimes the psychological toll of having lived in this type of relationship for a long time. People can become worn down. They can begin to think that their current life, even if deeply unhappy, is at least familiar and manageable.
That is why some people waste 10, 20, or even 30 years in marriages that are effectively over.
Very often, the fear is greater than the reality. Once they sit down with an experienced family law solicitor and are told what proper provision might actually look like in their case, they realise that they are not nearly as trapped as they thought. They may in fact have a path to a very different future, one involving financial security, independence, and peace of mind.
That does not make the process easy. Divorce is rarely easy. But it does mean that the picture is often far less bleak than people imagine.
If you are a stay-at-home spouse and are worried about your financial security in the context of divorce in Ireland, the first step is simply to find out where you stand. A good family law solicitor should be able to give you a clear view of your position and a roadmap. From there, it is up to you whether you want to face your fears and take the next step.
More Questions About Assets in Divorce? Contact Us for Expert Family Law Advice
*The information on this page is for general awareness only and does not constitute legal advice. Family law outcomes depend on individual circumstances and judicial discretion. You should not rely on this content when making decisions and should seek advice from a qualified solicitor about your specific situation.
Contact Us for Expert Family Law Advice
If you are in need of a Family Law Solicitor in Dublin in a divorce where there are assets involved, please contact us at The Family Practice.
Jeremy Ring is a senior family law solicitor and co-founder of The Family Practice in Dublin.
Over his 15-year career, he has advised clients in divorce and separation cases involving combined assets exceeding €10 million, including business valuations, pensions, and inherited property.
